Have you ever noticed how 'emotional' and 'fragile' go together during pregnancy? It is as though I have an internal dialogue on continuous playback throughout my whole day.

Are you ready to kick yet baby?
I don't look pregnant, I just look fat.
When does maternity leave kick in?
Can I just NOT go back to work?
Where is more chocolate?
Hellooo baby? Commence kicking any time...

No wonder I cannot focus on my job or what is going on or deal appropriately with new things. A new opportunity pops up and I run around all "ahhh.. must act now... ahhh... what should I do? ahhhh.... how does this affect me? ahhh... can't think...."

Ok, that's not so far off of normal.

But strange things affect me... I begin to deep think, my term for this state I find myself in where I can let the minor details of life skim off of me like little pebbles in a pond... but the BIG MONUMENTAL questions in life weigh me down.

Major Man is doing his best, he is getting used to my mood swings and handles them appropriately (as long as I tell him what to do... like yesterday when I walked in and said "I'm very, very grumpy. Hug me now.")

But I have this feeling like I haven't really DONE anything in life. I'm in sales, whoopitydo. I'm published a writer, whoopa (it's not like a wrote a life changing manifesto or anything). Major Man kindly informs me that my son and my soon to be second born would probably disagree and I have to give him that. But there are people out there DOING things that I want to do and I'm to afraid to do them, dammit.

So what would I do? Number one thing, always on the top of the list. Go back to school.

If I were really, really, super brave, I'd go back to school and be a labour and delivery nurse. Scratch that, if I were really brave I'd be a midwife, but I know I'm not that brave. I'm much more suited to being a nurse. But there's that whole MONEY thing... and living in something that is NOT a cardboard box.

And how in the world do I think I could possibly do these things when I can't even figure out how to do my own taxes. Or even register for school.

First, I have to birth this baby. (Ultrasound today, yay!)

Then I need to finish up that Childbirth Educator's Certificate. (Mostly done)

Maybe when I'm safely into the next decade I'll return to school.