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The Writing Mother

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Thursday, June 17, 2004
It is a beautiful day today. Gorgeous even. A little crisp, I just spoke with my old boss in Texas who said it was about 35C, and here we are, scraping out a 16C. But the sun is shining, the grass is very green, and I think my butt looks good in these pants.

While typing an email to a friend, I realized that currently, I am not in love with anyone. But hold on, this is a good thing. I'm one of those silly girls who falls in love at the drop of a pair of wranglers... I mean a hat. It's as though I just make up my mind and fall in love.

Take the most recent boy for instance... I had not met him, but heard a lot about him. I liked the idea of him before I'd met him. So when I suddenly did meet him, I was predisposed to like him. Soon I was thinking about him all the time. Wondering about the many things I did not know about him that I wanted to.

Several friends were - I'm sure - shaking their heads. Especially the ones who told me about him.. "what have we unleashed?" That brought me down to earth a bit. What was I? Some kind of stalker? I noticed suddenly a repetetive pattern in my relationships. I was the pursuer. While there's a slightly powerful aspect to the "I get the one I want" train of thought, it's a flat and one dimensional power. It leaves you wondering if you would ever have been chosen or if you'd still be left standing in the Red Rover line, still waiting for your name to be called.

So when I made the decision to not pursue someone, it was at first with a stubborn heart. I was going to hold out and make someone work for it. But being the person that I am, I kept thinking "why?"

Well because... I'm a damn good catch, that's why! This has nothing to do with the size of my but, the perkiness (or droopiness as the case may or may not be) of my breasts, the wrinkles around my eyes, or the colour of my hair. This has to do with the love I have to give. I don't have to take care of someone to feel worthy and needed. I know I have that ability to love and care for someone.

Now who is worthy of me?
  The Writing Mother
  posted at 9:04 AM
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