About Me


The Writing Mother

Previous Posts
Regaining Energy Both my son and I are doing much...
Hello? Land of the Living? Oh my. What a week. A ...
Sick Days I have an excellent excuse for not blog...
Focusing on Now Recently in her newsletter - Fund...
I've been thinking a lot about this blog thing. Ab...
My Son, the Brave Pervert We went swimming tonigh...
A Day in Which I Lose ALL My Cool Points So here ...
Scrambling for Time Yep, I'm up early to write th...
Oopsie! Ok, when it takes me an hour and a half t...
Afloat Sometimes I wander to various blogs onli...

Credits
Blog Design by:


Image from:
www.istockphoto.com

Powered by:

Friday, April 08, 2005
I Miss Him

I remember back when I was a new mom. I had this ferver of mom-ness about me. I loved my son and wanted to be with him always. He was the new me. I breathed his breath and I cried his tears. There were nights I could not sleep unless he was next to me. I cannot explain to someone who doesn't have children what that is like.

There was a completedness that I felt. As if everything in my life had come full circle.

Other things in my life were not nearly as satisfactory and somewhere around a year and a half I became a single mom. Sometimes things were tougher than I could handle and I blanched at my own need to sometimes be alone. I craved some time to myself to deal with self issues. To cry my own tears. Luckily I got that opportunity every once in a while when my mom would take my son for a few hours. I was still unable to sleep without him near, if only in the next room.

I remember vividly the first night he stayed at his dad's house. I hardly slept. I felt as though the house had been emptied of everything good. I didn't even want to stay in it; but I did. Now I'm more used to the idea of him staying at Grammas or at his dad's.

Used to it. But still not good with it.

I like it for a few minutes. A few moments of time where I can pick up all clothes and half eaten toast carcasses and Ninja Turtles without finding a mess where I just was. Then suddenly it's all clean. And I'm a mess.

Tonight is no different than last night. I have some writing to do, I've cleaned the house a bit, I've had a tea. The only difference is that he is not sleeping in his bed tonight. He's not here. And for whatever reason, I feel lost. I feel incomplete. I feel like I'm missing an organ - the one responsible for feeling and hope.

Every day is like opening a present. That's why it's called the present. You've heard that one before, right? Someone deeper than me said it. But each day I think of what I can learn from my son, what I can see him do that he didn't do before. Today he mastered 'sure'. As in, "that motorcycle was sure going fast, mommy!" and "I sure like my Mr. Increb-i-bles movie!"

But at the end of the day, when he is not here, I feel as thought that present has been wasted. I feel as though it's been given away to someone else.

And I miss him.
  The Writing Mother
  posted at 9:56 PM
  0 comments



0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home



Bloggers I Luuurve
KiWords
Faster Than Kudzu
dooce
Pen On Fire
Michelle Malkin
NeuroticFitchMom
Woulda Coulda Shoulda
Paperback Writer
Literary Chicks
I'm The Mommy
Generation Exhausted
Flogging the Quill
Romancing the Blog
Tiny Coconut

Quote of the Day

Archives
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010