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The Writing Mother

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Thursday, November 24, 2005
Something about me
Yeah, cuz nothing else on this blog is about me...

This past year I have come to realize a few things about myself and those I care about. I have several people in my life that I call friends, many aquaintences, but no longer do I have the friendships like I used to in my younger years. Remember when there was something you wanted to do and the first thing you did was call up your best friend and invite her? Now, most of my friends are all married and that's just not done any more. Things must be planned, they must be scheduled in and arranged. I'm ok with that.

For a couple of years I was in a marriage that wasn't conducive to hanging out with other couples. We didn't want to hang out with the same people. I did enjoy some of 'our' friends but I missed mine the most. None of them wanted to hang out with the 'us' that we'd become. After the divorce I thought it would get better. Unfortunately I was then a single mom and was no longer able to go out to movies and dinners and parties.

Once again I am in a marriage, this time it is a wonderful joining of two people very much in love. Major man has become my best friend, always there to listen, brave enough to tell me when to shut up, and comfortable being himself. And I guess that I assumed that it would be easier to hang out with the other couples in our lives. Yet in a year we have gone out twice with people here. The rest of the time we go out with ourselves or his friends who come in from out of town. I don't understand it ... and yet I do.

I separated myself from the rest of the world and the rest of the world kept going. I should not be surprised. But I'm stumped as to how fit myself back in it when I feel like a mishapen piece from a jig saw puzzle. I hear of things going on and I very selfishly wonder if there was some definable reason why I was excluded. I have to settle with the knowledge that I'm just not the friend of choice any more.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't force a friendship. You can't assert a position within it and expect the friendship to be genuine. I have changed. I am not sure that I know how to be a good friend any more.
  The Writing Mother
  posted at 7:41 PM

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Ms. Scarlet said...

I undermean what you stand. We don't really have "couple friends" and we don't do a lot of socializing. I miss entertaining and dinner parties.

At 12:15 PM, Anonymous Audra said...

I hope you find a couple of other couples who you guys can build a relationship with. My hubby and I tend to do things together only for the most part (or with our kids), but I do drag him to homegroup which is supposed to be once a week, but we can't always meet.

Are there any couples you would like to get back together with? Maybe you can invite them over for a game night or something?

At 9:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally understand what you're saying. It's funny, cuz I feel the same way about my friends. Of course, I up and moved to another country, but it is hard to realize that I am so out of practice at being a friend. I miss just having someone around I can call up and chat with (in English!)


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