I should just call this Heather's Rollercoaster of Moodswings and be done with it.

I had a great birthday, turned 28. I'm not really one of those people who rolls her eyes and says "ack, I'm 28, I'm so ooooooold!" Because I'm not, I'm still young. Ask me when I'm 30 though.

I will admit to having a rough time of late. I'm not on the track, I'm way off the track. Thirty suddenly feels like it's bearing down on me and I'm not where I should be. Thirty is where I have two children and a house. Not one child that I'm parenting on my own in an overpriced apartment.

So I did something I probably shouldn't have. I talked to a mortgage broker. I'm sure that it was the muffled laughter that gave it away. I just knew before I even talked to him that it wasn't going to work. But for some reason I figured that if I just wanted it enough and hoped enough that someone would take a chance. No, probably not. He suggested that I go get a $10,000 line of credit from my bank and then I'd be sure to get a mortgage. I didn't have the guts to tell him that I tried that last week and they said no. No soup for you!

It isn't that I have bad credit. I have pretty good credit. I have a loan I paid off for about 4 years and never missed a payment. I have a car that I've been paying on since 2001 and missed one payment when my ex was in charge of the payments. The car is still in our name, but I had been trying to get the line of credit to get it in my own name.

The thing is - I'm terrified of banks and money. I don't get it. I go in there and I know that they look at my piddly little bank account and .... I just don't rate. I have no power in today's society. I'm the typical 'couple paychecks off the street' single mother and I hate it.

Excuse the pity party, but I just feel like I'm never going to get ahead.