Horrible Mother Syndrome

Yes, this is me, I'm a horrible mother.

The worst is that I do feel like a horrible mother. In my son's eyes I'm mean, I hurt him, he *does* want to go live with his daddy.

Who, mind you will not understand if M. goes to him and says "Mommy hurts me" that it is only because I have to hold him down to feed him his prednisone for the last couple of mornings. Because I do awful things like make him drink his medicine so his ear infection goes away, or his lungs get stronger.

Or that if I yell out of frustration and throw a pillow..... that I'm not hitting him, but I scared him. I just can't do it again. I hardly slept last night because I knew the fight that was coming over the medicine this morning.

And I know that I'm not injuring my son, I know somewhere inside that I'm a good mother.

But it doesn't seem to matter... if my son doesn't think so.