Boys are Dumb

Well, obviously except my son. Before I expound on the dumbness of boys, let me tell you about my son. He will be three years old in just over a month. He is going to make someone an awesome husband some day. Why do I say this?

Because he already knows that please and thank you are important words. He knows that you have to ask before you stick your fingers in someone else's food. He likes to vaccum with the little Dustbuster, and knows you cannot dustbuster up an entire Poptart because it gets stuck.

M. is at my mom's house tonight. Although I often crave the alone-ness of having the house totally to myself (with the exception of Horatio, the new cat... but that's another story) without knowing that M. is in the next room sleeping, I am almost without purpose. There is no reason for me to be here. This worries me and I wonder if, when the time comes for him to leave home, I'll turn into one of those needy women who takes in too many stray animals and derelicts to fill her empty nest.

But I did get the entire house vaccumed, a necessity since Horatio joined us last week. And I'm catching up on the laundry pile. And in the event that Brad Pitt decides to leave Jennifer Aniston, I'm available for a passionate fling.

But boys are dumb. And when I say boys I mean men. Men who act like boys.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not forgetting that I'm a *Good Apple*. But I do wonder about the games that boys play. The following is a list of the games I've witnessed in the last month or two:

1. Boys who tell stories about there wives at work. Not good. Not good at all. The rule is: if you couldn't say it in front of her, don't say it in front of me.

2. The I'll Call You game. This is as classic as the snake and the apple. I do not have time for this game. The rule is: If you do not respect me enough to call me, you are obviously not interested. Trust me, I am not crying in my Chardonnay, it will take more than a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call before I'll be swept away.

3. The You-talk-to-me-therefore-you-want-me guy. Yes, this archetype is a popular one. He's the guy that is cool to hang out with, you may even chat on the phone regularly, but whoa... a movie? Hey, let's just be friends. Ok, don't friends go to movies? I must be confused. The rule is: I am able to talk to you without wanting to see you naked, even if that is not possible for you.

4. The You-talked-to-me-so-I-must-chase-you-down-club-you-on-the-head-and-drag-you-back-to-the-cave guy. A slight mutation of the You-talk-to-me-therefore-you-want-me guy, this one assumes that you want him, but also feels that showing up unannounced and assuming that dating has commenced is a natural thing. The rule is: see above rule, or read it in the restraining order.

I really should not say boys are dumb. It is wrong of me. In fact, I wouldn't want my son to hear me saying it, anymore than I'd want him hearing (and repeating) a multitude of bad words. Boys are not dumb. Men who act like boys are dumb.

Anyways, I'm off to bed to enjoy my Unwooded Chardonnay (whatever that means...) and read my book.