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Thursday, July 21, 2005
Kira had a great post today about Piranhas.

It reminded me of the issue I am currently dealing with.

My son (M.) goes to day care each day from about 8-4. He likes his day care but it was a rough start. I did not 'socialize' him enough in the first 2.5 years that he was home with me because when he arrived at day care he was immediately labeled a problem child. He had no concept of boundaries with other children and consequently when he mauled them, they mauled back. He learned quite quickly that they way to get someone off of you is to inflict pain on them that causes an immediate reaction

So the biting began. For months we couldn't get him to stop. The day care labeled him as 'Angry' and applied to have a special teacher come in and help him. (The fact that this teacher is subsidized and can help out any where in the day care with other kids comes into play later...) But the thing was... he was a happy child, still is, he never cried when I left him, he was eager to play and be with the other kids.... it's just that as soon as there was conflict he would bite. HappyHappyHappyHappyHappyAngryBite. That quick.

But he's been there a year and a half now and it's generally smooth sailing. But recently he's started having issues with another child. Justin.

The boys are hot and cold. Best Friends then Mortal Enemies.

There seems to be an incident report each week where M has bitten J.. but after talking to the teachers they ALL state that Justin deliberately provokes M. NOT that it excuses my son's behaviour in any way. I continue to work with the day care to get M. to use his words, talk to a teacher, yell 'stop' or 'don't do that'.... anything but physically hurting the other child. But Justin continues to provoke him.

Justin has a crappy home life. Parents that are divorced and fight, week on and week off custody arrangements.... He has spit at other parents, has major attitude and is just a general BRAT. And I still want to take him home and cuddle him. He ACTS like a bad boy, but I know that he is just a hurting little four year old with parents who should be smarter.

Case in point. My mother went to go pick up my son and Justin's dad did not realize who she was... so within earshot he told a teacher that he has told Justin to hit back when M. bites him.

Is he an idiot? His poor child is going to be so conflicted. Dad says hit, Day Care gives me heck when I do it. So he's going to be frustrated which will lead to more conflict and more fights.

I am so angry at Justin's childish dad. Did he forget who the parent was? His child is on the road to be a big bully and all he can say is "well, he is a tough boy."

Since when was it tougher to pick a fight than to walk away from one?

The director of the day care suggested that Justin move to another day care, but his dad has said no. I already knew that they wouldn't ask M. to leave - afterall if he leaves they lose their subsidized staff member.

She confronted him on the 'fight back' issue and he totally denied it (never mind that one staff member and my mother say that he said it quite clearly).

I'm open to suggestions.
  The Writing Mother
  posted at 11:07 AM

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Jensgalore said...

I don't have any suggestions, but you made me think back to when I was having problems with another girl at school. My dad told me to hit her, so I did. Then he got mad at me for hitting. It was all very confusing. What did I learn from that? That I was all alone in dealing with my problems. Poor Justin.


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