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Spin Selling

Tonight after M. had fallen asleep I crept into his room and lay down next to him in his bed. He had kicked the covers off as usual and lay there haphazzardly sprawled across the three blankets. After I crawled in next to him in his little blue car bed, I drew the covers up to our chins and turned to stare at his little face.

As happy as I am about being pregnant, there is a small corner of my heart that mourns what M. and I share. There have been times in my life when it's been just the two of us against the world. A time when it was only ever going to be the two of us. My life for so long - it seems - has been lived to make my son proud. One day when he looks back at our life, will he say, "yeah, that was my mom, she did a good job."

Even now, with Major Man in our lives, there's something that M. and I share that is special. I have a feeling that all mothers have this special connection with their sons. There's a committment - one woman, one future man. One leading, one following. One guiding, one seeking.

This relationship has remained singular and pure since my son's birth. He has been the one to keep me on the straight and narrow. "would my son be proud of me if I did this?"

Now, I'm adding another element to 'us'. Another child. I have no doubts that I will love this little one as much as M. but I am congnizant of the change that is coming. No longer will it be just the two of us.

As I lay there curled around my son, I wondered if I should say I'm sorry.

Instead I lay there quietly. Just the three of us. And cherished the time that we have left. Just the two of us.

Ok. Hear ye, Hear ye.... wait, is that here ye, here ye? Oh who the heck cares....

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog-reading to bring you this breaking news from my uterus.

I'm Pregnant.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Because I'm a total sheep following the herd.... I bring you the second round of boycotts.

No Sony cds for me this Christmas!

According to a the Investor Insight newsletter, "Sony has been installing secret spyware on unknowing users' computers". Of course I'd heard this before from several other reputable sources:

Just so you know that I do my research and I'm not a total sheep... you can go... here ... here ... here and finally... here

Now, more from the Investor Insight Newsletter:

"Sony BMG Music Entertainment, concerned as many companies are about file sharing, decided to protect the CDs that it releases commercially. They did it by encoding selected CDs with a tool called a "rootkit," a nasty little program often used by virus writers. (A rootkit takes partial control of a computer's operating system at a very deep level in order to hide the presence of files or ongoing processes.) This antipiracy tool--developed by Sony's British partner, First 4 Internet Ltd., and keyed to Windows--is installed on the host computer when the user plays the CD, and it locks up the music so that it can't be copied to a hard drive or distributed over the Net. "
"So far, Sony BMG has placed the software on about 20 titles, including works by Dexter Gordon, Vivian Green, and country rockers Van Zant. It was on the latter's new "Get Right with the Man" release that a computer engineer first discovered the spyware. "

Now, I have no problem with someone protecting their copyrighted material. BUT I have a week bit of a big-ass problem with someone planing spyware on my computer. I have remained virus and spy-ware free for over five years. Thank goodness I have not used any Sony cds, becuase this rootkit is nasty and not easily removed.

So go ahead... read all about it.

Today I honestly considered hiding something from my husband. I bought MORE books. This is the third book shopping spree this month alone. And when I say spree I mean a 'close to a hundred bucks' spree.

I love buying books, I love reading them and I love seeing the beautiful crispness of their new covers. But I don't get through all of the books that I buy. Only about half. So when I buy new, I buy overtop of unread books.

Tonight when I bought the books (from Chapters) I mentioned to the sales girl that I had received a pen in the mail from the store. And it was a great, smooth-writing pen too... she said, "OH! Yes, they are great! You know not everyone with the iRewards card (the 10% off card) got one of those... just the people who spent a, uh, certain amount of money." Yeah. That would be me.

Last week at work we were discussing Liberal and Conservative politics. I am a Conservative, several of my co-workers are Liberals (incidentally, they are from Ontario and the Maritimes, what a shock). One of them is very good at keeping the discussion civil, we treat each other with respect and I value her opinion.

The other co-worker... yeah, he's not so good at that.

Him: "If people vote for Stephen Harper then they are stupid."

Me: "Hmm well I guess I'm ok with being 'stupid' because I've voted for him in the past and I'll do so again."

Him: "He's just a liar."

Me: "Really? Do you think so? What has he lied about?"

Him: "Well... like, last year... look. I'm just not going to get into this with you."

Me: "Ok"

So, apparently it is ok for him to tell me I'm stupid, but it's not ok for me to ask him to back up his statement with facts. Alrighty then.

Yeah, cuz nothing else on this blog is about me...

This past year I have come to realize a few things about myself and those I care about. I have several people in my life that I call friends, many aquaintences, but no longer do I have the friendships like I used to in my younger years. Remember when there was something you wanted to do and the first thing you did was call up your best friend and invite her? Now, most of my friends are all married and that's just not done any more. Things must be planned, they must be scheduled in and arranged. I'm ok with that.

For a couple of years I was in a marriage that wasn't conducive to hanging out with other couples. We didn't want to hang out with the same people. I did enjoy some of 'our' friends but I missed mine the most. None of them wanted to hang out with the 'us' that we'd become. After the divorce I thought it would get better. Unfortunately I was then a single mom and was no longer able to go out to movies and dinners and parties.

Once again I am in a marriage, this time it is a wonderful joining of two people very much in love. Major man has become my best friend, always there to listen, brave enough to tell me when to shut up, and comfortable being himself. And I guess that I assumed that it would be easier to hang out with the other couples in our lives. Yet in a year we have gone out twice with people here. The rest of the time we go out with ourselves or his friends who come in from out of town. I don't understand it ... and yet I do.

I separated myself from the rest of the world and the rest of the world kept going. I should not be surprised. But I'm stumped as to how fit myself back in it when I feel like a mishapen piece from a jig saw puzzle. I hear of things going on and I very selfishly wonder if there was some definable reason why I was excluded. I have to settle with the knowledge that I'm just not the friend of choice any more.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't force a friendship. You can't assert a position within it and expect the friendship to be genuine. I have changed. I am not sure that I know how to be a good friend any more.

Baikal Films has listed several videos for sale on Amaz0n that amount to nothing but child pornography.

Videos such as:

Gym Boys
"The film has lots of replayability if you
love boys" and that the film "comes in a white box"

Hippodrome Boys and Soccer Boys (2004)
"but this movie (Hoppodrome Boys) should contain 18 minutes of nude sauna/party action.(...) Hippodrome boys is the story of a 12 year old boy's birthday party activities. I think most Russian boy's don't have the resources to do all the things this lucky boy did. If you have the full version, it's an enjoyable video."

Little Warriors

Little Warriors go to Summer Camp
"Boys having fun seems to be the major agenda there. All the traditional camp games are played with fierce enthusiasm, whether it be spirited water games or a crazy costume contest. When it's time for these handsome athletes to show off, it's a speedy strip-down to singlets, and to the mat they go -- for some sweaty, slam-dunk wrestling action. Then, after a refreshing romp in the showers, the boys head for the campfire."

Little Warriors 2
"opening with a handsome parade of a young boy athletes circling the hall and carrying their team banners proudly. But don't let these smiling, doe-eyed, rosy-cheeked boys fool you, they're some of Siberia's fiercest young grapplers. "

The Genesis Children
"It is a story about a group of boys (age 12-17 approx) who live at the sea shore, mostly in the nude, and explore life. At times I felt the story was being told backwards, with the start of the film being understandable only toward the middle, with the end being a beginning, if that makes any sense. It is an underground classic. If you find the young male form beautiful, and have a taste for the unusual, you'll enjoy this film. Amaz0n.com version is the full un-censored version. Now if we could just get them to carry all Baikal films uncensored :-) "

"This film is definitely about boys running around or sitting on the beach sometimes naked. The good thing about this film uses several opportunities for the viewer to explore young boys' bodies without doing so in an obviously sexual manner. "

Chippendiddys
"They dance just like the chipendales who they are named after. I think if you like male dancers you will like The Chippendiddys. " Umm, yeah, except they are all teenagers and pre-teens.

And if you'd like to know what else Amazon carries, MARC was nice enough to create a list for us on Films about boys (gay) that I'd like to see.

Now before you go all homo-phobic on me here... I have no problem with homosexuality. I have a huge problem with child pornography. I am certain that there are as many homosexual pedophiles as there are heterosexuals, so that's a non issue. *

Do NOT buy from Amaz0n this year. Do NOT buy from Amazon until they remove the child porn. At least that's the directive in my household.

*Note: Again, let me reiterate, I have no issues with homosexuality, I do not think that there is anything whatsoever wrong with a movie about a teenage boy who is gay. No problem. Again, I do have problem with the sexualization of boys. And many movies that our buddy Marc there has put on his list do just that. Videos with "most charming and beautiful boys" as well as videos with comments such as "this movie (Hoppodrome Boys) should contain 18 minutes of nude sauna/party action.(...) " oh and my favourite, "There is plenty of child nudity (front and rear views) in this movie."

The great thing about TV shows is that you can viscerally hate a character with no repercussions whatsoever. Including guilt.

So I'm watching Grey's Anatomy, as I do every Sunday night, and I realize that I HATE HATE HATE the female Dr. Shepherd. She drives me bonkers and I can't quite put my finger on it. She cheated on her husband - Derek Shepherd aka Dr McDreamy - and she has the NERVE to be mad at him because he started a relationship with Meredith. I mean they were SO OVER. When you bonk a guy's best friend you make the marriage contract null and void. Get over it biatch.

Ok, I might need a bit more of a life, but yeah...

You know, I hope that we have an election here in Canada for Christmas. I can't think of anything better I'd like for Christmas than a Conservative government.

Here. Make your own sign.

Well courtesy of Lani at the Literary Chicks and her new book, 'Ex and the Single Girl'. Today's post is brought to you by Googling the Ex Boyfriend Day. I admit, it was something I had never thought of doing. I mean, yeah, I guess I wonder about past friends every once in a while, but I figure that most of the time, the past should stay the past.

However, after contemplating which boyfriend to google, I realized a) I don't have that many ex-boyfriends and b) I could only remember the full name of one of them. TOTAL BLANK on the rest... sure there's Andy (very short dating span) and Barry (both of the Barrys I dated) and Hank. Those are probably the only 'boyfriends' I dated.. but the only own whose first and last name I could recall was the very first: Carl. And guess what, he's got a blog! And he's married! And I'm happy for him! Because in all honesty I stomped on his poor heart and I have probably felt guilty about it every since. The break up came from waaaay out in left field and to this day I've never given him a really good explanation other than "I was 16".

But Carl's a good guy and I wish him and his wife nothing but the biggest blessings.

And since it's all about me... I really feel better knowing he's happy and married now!!

I know, I know, I don't usually talk about this stuff on here ... it's been a couple of years since I was breastfeeding my son. But, you know how 'they' say that after six months, breastmilk gives no added nutrients.... yeah, they are wrong. And finally it's been proven.

After a year, breastmilk has a higher energy and fat content. It's VERY nutritious, don't let that F word scare you... it's the good fat.

"This is a nicely done study which looked at a question that really needed to be answered," added Dr. Ruth Lawrence, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Rochester School of Medicine and a member of the executive committee of the American Academy of Pediatrics' section on breast-feeding. "I think many people's general impression is if you continue to breast-feed beyond a year, probably the nutrient value drops, and this is quite different information and very important."

And they go on to say some more great stuff about 'the perfect food':

"The constituents of fat and human milk are very different than what we provide in formula today. One of the most important constituents of human milk is cholesterol. Formula does not [contain cholesterol]," Lawrence said. "There are many people who think that probably one of the problems with cholesterol today occurs because infants have not had any cholesterol in the first few months of life; perhaps the body doesn't learn to deal with it. There are studies that show that young adults have much lower cholesterol levels if they were breast-fed than if they were bottle-fed."

Just FYI!

Why do I try and FIX everything. Why do I try make everything BETTER. It only lands me with my neck hanging out.

Darn it all.

Blogging in November has been a little sporadic. It's very, very busy at work and I'm swamped with writing. I'm having fantasies that I write full time for a living - mostly because my NaNoWriMo novel is very fun to write right now! I'm not on track to make it to 50,000 this month, but I am loving my novel. Loving it.

For the first time I am writing fiction I think maybe might almost be saleable! Wahoo!

On a sour note, 2/3 of my family thinks I'm angry and critical. The other 1-3 hasn't said that.... recently. Hello Kettle, this is Pot, you are black. Eighteen years living with angry and critical parents (oh, but honey, we were only angry and critical at each other!) and a little smidge has rubbed off on me.

Fortunately, Angry and Critical works for me. I should start a new blog Angry & Critical.