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The Writing Mother

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Yeah, I've been slightly MIA. It has been very tough to blog, to even think about blogging. For one thing, there's the whole what-to-blog-about thing, and secondly, there has been no time!

I just got back from Winnipeg - from volunteering at a horse show. You know that there is some level of dedication when you pay about $600 to travel to a horse show - to volunteer. But actually I will be making money off of a couple of articles, and I can write the flights off as an expense. So I'm not totally ultruistic.

(Isn't that AMAZING, Kira?)

I feel so far from centre right now. My life feels like it is totally off kilter. My compass is pointing... well, shall we say, further south than normal. That's all I'm gonna say about that!

I know I have friends out there that worry about me and my choices. I can't say I blame them totally, my choices have always been slightly erratic. But I accept them as my choices, and to me, that's a big thing. I don't think that there is much in my past that I blame on others, or that I would wish away.

I watched the Butterfly Effect last night. That is what got me thinking about this. If you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it for a good 'thinker' movie. If I could go back and change things, would I? Probably not. Even the things I want to grumble about like having to take into consideration my ex-husband when I make decisions regarding my own life. But if I take a good hard look at my life, it's apparent that I am who I am today because of every little brick that I've laid down in my life. Would I take my ex out of my life five years ago? No, I wouldn't - because then I wouldn't have had my son. And he's just shaped me to be the woman that I am today because of the very beat of his heart.

Would I change the bad, rotten, mean things that have happened to me. Probably not. Luckily they are so far in the past that they are just shadows of scars now, faint hints of pain that only hurt if I poke at them too much.


I've wondered a lot lately about the purpose of being in a relationship. Is it a goal? Is it a purpose? Is it a destination? What I've come up with is this: being in a relationship is a journey. Perhaps some will say I get focused on being in a relationship - to the detriment of the rest of my life - and I guess to them I say that I just love the journey.

Have you ever been on a journey like a new relationship? Where you could just sit back and enjoy the view, learning about a new culture just by watching it, learning the new language just by hearing it? I have never, ever been on a journey like I am on now. It's unreal. It's not like Australia, or Peru, or Russia. This is like Mars or Jupiter or Pluto. (Or, yeah, ok, I'll say it... Uranus *snicker snicker*)

So that is all for now, I need to get some boring writing done. Some slightly more superficial writing instead of this narcissistic excercise I've just completed.
  The Writing Mother
  posted at 6:47 PM

At 1:21 PM, Blogger Kira said...

You know, I was just thinking, "it's amazing..."
Hey, I hope this journey is a good one for ya.


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