I had intended to get on here and rip myself a new one. Go through all of the reasons that I suck and will always suck. Basically I was just letting my inner critic out for a few moments.

But I'll summerize. I suck because I never finish things and my dreams are too big and I'm too afraid to go for them.

Now that we have that out of the way, I think I need ot acknowledge why I don't suck.

I'm a busy (single) mother of one and I'm basically working two jobs. I do pretty good at both of them and if the trend of the last six months continues until the end of December, I'll make twice as much this year as I've ever made in a year before. In fact, my salary may be the combination of all the money I made from 1996 - 2000. Then again, I was a po' broke horse trainer then.

But it's not all about the Benjamins. Or in my case, the Queens (or whatever they put on Canadian $100 bills... I can't remember the last time I had one in my hand). It's also about the quality of life that I'm leading.

I have to admit, I COULD do more. I could get up earlier or stay up late. I could dedicate myself a bit more and push a bit harder. But in this whirlwind of my life I actually want to sit down and enjoy my son and my boyfriend.

For example I've done spontaneous things over the weekend with my son - gone to the Go Karts and gone to a movie, both a first time experience for him.

As a side note: I completely admit that I try to do 'first' things with him before his dad does it with him. It's a big party at daddy's house every weekend for him. Maybe not a party... but the kid is good and angelic and wonderful for the 12 or so hours that he's awake and doing things... then for the other 98.75% of the week that he's with me I have to do horrible mother things like enforce rules and instruct him on how not to poke his eye out and explain why the entire neighbourhood can't come in for popcicles.

So as far as I'm concerned I get to do some firsts.

On another side note: the ex is not a bad father, he wasn't a great husband but he's not evil or anything... BUT, does anyone else do the 'x number of years until I can dis-associate by choice' countdown?

As in, my son turns four next month so I have 14 years and 18 days until I no longer have to associate with the ex husband and can forget that I'm co-habitating the planet with him.

But we do get along... as long as I'm not responsible for anything that he says/does/smokes/ingests/crashes....

I'll stop while I'm ahead.